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I'll just put that on your desk, Sir... - RP - Ankh-Morpork wants you! [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
RP - Ankh-Morpork wants you!

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I'll just put that on your desk, Sir... [Mar. 12th, 2006|11:23 pm]
RP - Ankh-Morpork wants you!


[mood |accomplished]
[music |Sgt Colon snoring at his desk]

Report of Sgt Littlebottom on Findinge A Tailor for the Low Kynge

Blue were the skieƒ and high our hearƒ when we, i.e. vis me and Cpl Shinbreaker venturedd on our misƒione to finde a descreete tailor for the use of the Low Kynge, or, as it may be, since this is an internall clasifiedd reporte (which means you Nobby not reading it and puttinge it back on Mr Vimes's deske!), the Low Queenne.

Never before was such zealle seen on our faces, as we were proceedinge along Nosuch Street on our queste to find the tailor of the name Sturdy Rocksmacker, whose skill is knowne far and wide. The queste was perilous and went onne for times untold, i.e. around halfe an hour since Nosuch Street is not that long. The perils we faced with braveness, proudde as our forefathers before us, included Mr Dibbler the locall entrepreneur tryinge to sell us his famouse sausages-inna-bun, and a pigeon flying out fromme a side alley and frightening Cpl Shinbreaker.

A greatest victorie we experienced in our misƒion, as we founde Rockmacker the Tailor, and upon which, we enteredd her shoppe. Fortunatelly, she was alonne and we coulde talk in complete discretion, if you donn't counte a small greyish-brown mongrel whom Cpl Shinbreaker gave the reste of the rat-onna-stick boughte from Mr Dibbler despite my advice (by the waye, Cpl Shinbreaker's feelinge better now and the diarrhea shoulde pass any day now).

A clever ruse we had inventedd, to ensure that no soul knowes that the clothes ordered will be for the Low Kynge. Namely, I tolde Rockmacker we were orderring them for Cpl Shinbreaker, as he she hadd recently came out fromme the broom cupboard (as the sayinge goes in moderne slangg to deƒcribe a dwarf who decides to admyt her femalenesƒ). Lookinge back, maybe it wasn't ƒuch a goode idea. Thiƒ involved Cpl Shinbreaker havinge to be measured and try everythynge onn, which quickly stopped beinge funny as some of the thynges to try onn were a pair of pink lacy... erm... Suffice it to saye I had to pour some pretty expensive beer over Rocksmacker's face to revive her and after the incydente ƒhe definitely refusedd to believe our ƒtorie of Cpl Shinbreaker coming out of the broom cupboard, unlesse it was with the broom in his pockett, she said.

And oh, you don't need to addresse Cpl Shinbreaker as "she" anymore, Sir.

Facinge this unforeseene obstacle, I have not lost hearte and managed to convynce Rocksmacker to cooperate with the Watch and not tell anyone about the whole Thynge, especially vis the Kynge's new clothes, which she agreed to do on conditionne that Cpl Shinbreaker takes her out to dinner at Gimlet's Delicatessen to make out up on behalf of the Watch for the morall damage he caused. Which I gave him leave to do, as we had securred the first parte of Rocksmacker's new fall collection of female dwarfe fashione which I'm going to borrowe for a bit before I send it to Rhys is nowe all packedd and readdy to be sent out to the Low Kynge.

These events eventuated as I have told them; may they be remembered and held in awe by our childrenne and the childrenne of out childrenne and their childrenne as well.


[User Picture]From: boss_vimes
2006-03-13 01:36 am (UTC)
That just proves that anyone asking Nobby about his dresses has to be up to something.
Thank you, Sergent, I believe Shinbreaker has some time off coming up. I'll talk to Fred about it.
Let me know if you hear any word back from Rys.
It's good to see that you are as adept at facing the perils of Ankh-Morpork as ever, I hope Shinbreaker's feeling better in time for tomorrows patrol.
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